South Africa starts to feel like home now. I wake up every morning without even realising that I am in South Africa, like I did in the beginning. I have my routines, my studies, activities in Kayamandi and a few really good friends. I even bought my very own first car. My little room in this hospital-like Concordia student residence starts to feel like home. I've created a habit of buying the certain things a the grocery store, I tend to eat the same lunch at the student centre, I walk the same routes, drive the same roads. And suddenly life in Finland seems distand and umfamiliar. Is this how people adapt? Why is it so frighting to face change then, when we know from our past how we adapt to new life situations over and over again, and yet we are still afraid of change.
But there are moments that make me miss my life in Finland. That happens when I get scared. Scared of crime, scared of being attacked, and scared when I hear what has happened. Crime is everywhere, everyone knows someone who has been attacked of robbed, and many people have witnessed it themselves. It is easy to sense the fear, and it catches you too. I drive with doors locked. I try not to walk alone at night. I never walk alone to a township. I lock my room door even though I am behind two secure doors and two barbed wire fences. I am totally aware of the people around me, and by instinct I become cautious if they seem possibly threathening.
This is what I did not do at home. I used to love walking at night. I used to walk into the forest at night to see stars better, and did not feel afraid. We slept our doors open when I was small. Nobody had fences or alarm. Here it is sometimes stupid not to have.
My thoughts are around crime also because I took a Sociology course on crime and deviance, and we dealt a lot with crime in South Africa. It is an endless question without a clear explanation. It mostly has its roots in social issues, the past, the inequality, the culture of violence, identity problems in different ethniticies and clashes between them.
But one South African said to me, herself also being a victim and witnesser of crime, that if you cannot handle the fear, you must leave the country. That is very true. People only spread the fear if they are constantly terrified and cannot live a normal life. Much of the fear is also created, and that only fuels the culture of violence. In a very optimistic sense, people must stop being afraid of each other. That would result in a lot less social problems too, which has a strong impact on isolation, deviance and eventually crime.
Time has really gone fast. Most international students are here for one semester, which means they are shortly leaving back home. The corridors of Concordia will soon be replaced by new unfamiliar faces, the excitement of being in South Africa where everything is new. It feels funny to stay, especially when this place is not new to me anymore and in some sense it has lost the sense of excitement to me. It is still exciting in many ways, I have just grasped the side of everyday life, and for majority of South Africans, it really is not that exciting.
It is a bit sad how isolated we are here. International students find it hard to see the African side of life, when we are living in this very European and Afrikaans town, studying at a traditional Afrikaans university. If you do not volunteer or do any projects at nearby townships you never need to cross the border to the "real Africa". It is a sad thought in a way, that tourists cannot get exposed to that. Black culture, township culture, is still shadowed by the negative impact of crime and poverty. "It is not morally right to go and see how poor people live in misery". This is such a common opinion to hear from non-South Africans when asked whether they have been to townships.
I understand that point of view, but it is such a shame that the way a huge population lives remains unseen, unnoticed and neglected. The stereotypes remain and are created by prejudism.
The life and people in the townships become marginalised, easily forgotten if you just close your eyes. It is good to go out there and get to know the culture, to give a chance to see that it is not all misery, it's a strong resource of creativity, power and intelligence if given the opportunity.
I have heard many people getting robbed or mugged in a township. But I have also encountered some really friendly and helpful people, talented people, people with high ambitions and dreams. Most of all, people who do not feel sorry for themselves, or envious or angry. There is a huge amount of hope and will to make things a bit better one step at a time. That is how I feel when I go to a township. It is a very confusing feeling. A part of you tries to remain cautious whereas another part of you is comfortable and enthusiastic.
The things I do with my free time in Kayamandi, are not necessarily making much of a difference to anyone, yet I cannot stop myself from doing it, going out there and facing the reality of every day life here. It makes a difference to me, selfish to say. And I cannot know if it makes a difference to someone else. Just to see that people do notice each other, we can overcome our fear and meet each other and try to learn from each other. I know I am idealistic, but I think you need a bit of that if you want to make it in this country.
My sister is coming soon, I cannot wait for her to come. One thing I do miss is my family. People who know how I am and my past. Sometimes I also find it hard to adapt to the local behaviour and manners, because of being Finnish and automatically different. I cannot be like I am used to being, I need to adapt and compromise.
After 3 more exams I am done with the first semester, and for a long time will have a holiday without having to work. I will drive to PE with my sister along the garden route, and in July will go to Namibia with Jacques. Nice plans. I will also be taking interesting courses for next semester and have to really work on my thesis too. I wish time didn't go so fast.
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